Story Or Series Title: Sweet Company Fandom:
Culprit Author's Name:
NewMoonBloodTears Full Name (plus titles if any):
Remi, also known as R and as Yutsume and as Tsume Full Species(es):
Human, I suppose, though I wouldn't be surprised if she turned out to be part shinigami Hair Color (include adjectives):
"long black hair that went to her thighs" Eye Color (include adjectives):
"pupil-less soft blue eyes", "her eyes turning a murderous red" and "ocean blue, pupil-less eyes was revealed" Unusual Markings/Colorations:
Dresses exactly like L, except for her jeans being "tight" Special Possessions (if any):
A letter (an "R"), which is reserved for special detectives in canon. Annoying Origin:
Works with the ICPO. Stated to be the fourth greatest detective in the world (L is all top three, under different aliases, in canon). Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
L knows of her from before but he's never actually seen her face, however she's worked with L on cases through the computer or something. Is Near's cousin. This seems to be a surprise to L. She quickly joins the Kira task force. Annoying Special Abilities:
Dodges bullets at close range. Eyes turn red. A couple of hints are dropped that maybe she can't die but so far that isn't outright stated. Ability to make L blush when she hugs him (canon L shows no shame from walking around chained to another man while being accused of being gay, and countless other things that would faze most people). Ability to make L have trouble finding things that are in his own pockets. Other Annoying Traits:
The usual reality-bending Sue powers so that everyone likes her better than they should upon meeting her and she can shoehorn herself in anywhere with little explanation. Sits like L. Seems to share L's sweets-only diet. Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
(Do NOT post more than half of a chapter, whole chapters, or whole stories, regardless of how short they are)
"Now. I've scedualed an intire case-free week to fly out to Japan." Remi said, obviously irritated.
"What week are you flying out, Remi?" L asked. He could picture an angry face on her right about now.
"L...." She said murderously. Then, she stopped.
"I'm flying down from New York tomorrow."
"I see... Well, it's good to know that finally be able to meet face to face." L smiled to the screen. Well, beyond the typos and the blandness we've got the first really bad logical inconsistency of the story, L being able to picture Remi's angry face even though he admits he's never seen her face at all.
"Ah, I see. Well... I didn't think your cellphone got this great a distance!" L exclaimed.
"Of coure not, silly. I'm using the plane's phone."
L could just see the sweat drop she had. He laughed a little.
"Ah, I see. Is it okay that I made reservations at a small sushi shop? They know me well there, and know to hide my identity." In the above snippet we've got L being dumb (earlier in a segment that I didn't copy here he was having trouble finding a cellphone in his pocket, so it's obvious the Sue has some kind of "make L stupid" magic ability). Plus, the Suethor doesn't understand how cellphones work.
We also have one of the worst examples of an anime sweatdrop I've seen in fan fiction. This one is imagined, on a face that can't be imagined by the person imagining it because he's never seen the face.
And it would be completely and utterly out of character for restaurant owners or employees to know who L is. He hides his identity by not telling people who he is and by not looking anything like what the general public expects "L" to look like. He doesn't hide his identity by telling ordinary people who he is and then asking them to hide him.
Next, a mugger with a gun tries to mug her on a plane. Yes, on a plane. As if that's what guys who can manage to smuggle guns onto planes do. When she hands over twenty dollars he is disappointed and the scene ends abruptly in the middle with no resolution. It is a completely random, nonsensical scene that is apparently there only so that we can see the Sue is brave, that she can turn her eyes red, and that she can dodge bullets.
"We've had new information that Kirra resides among those of us in a certain proximity of the Kanto reigon of Japan." Watari explained over the phone. L nodded.
"I see. Well, I must go now, I see a similar figure headed my way." He said. When he looked back up from putting it in the pocket he knew he would remember where it was, he saw the same figure. They wore a black trench coat, and matching hat. Not only is this an example of terrible, stilted dialogue from both Watari and L (neither would ever talk like that) it also doesn't make sense in the context of the story. No, this isn't Kira. It's Remi.
In the next section, the author gets a main character's name wrong (Matsuda is not Matsura, that isn't even his alias used for undercover Kira work, which is Matsui), and then in the author's note confusingly says L and Light (aka Raito) are the same person. No, no they aren't, and anyone even remotely familiar with Death Note should know they aren't, just like anyone even remotely familiar with Superman knows that he isn't the same person as Lex Luthor. We're talking about the protagonist and antagonist of the series here.
Matsura hurried to get six suitcases full of clothes up the stairs, while L led her into a back room.
"This is where we all work. If you hadn't noticed... we're all still here." L sweat dropped. Remi smiled, as L called the attention of his small group. Annoying sweat dropping again, and L being stupid and thinking that the Sue is unable to see who is standing in the room right in front of her. Well, I guess you need pupils to see, but the Sue obviously isn't blind from what happened in previous scenes.
"How did you know Near was my cousin?" Remi asked Near.
"COUSIN?" The task force echoed. L laughed.
"Remember when both of you signed up? When you had to fill out the 'family' part of the application?"
"Oh yeah.." Remi sweat dropped. And this is supposed to be the fourth greatest detective in the world. Yeah. This supposed genius also gets a letter from her mother that seems to have her real name on it. Very, very stupid for someone working with the Kira task force. After her mother's extremely fast pregnancy results in a baby boy, her entire family (including said baby boy and a little sister who seems to be shaping up as an additional Sue) moves in with her, right where the investigation is. Stupidest thing ever, considering the risk they'll be killed and/or used as hostages.
Soon enough, dinner was ready. As Remi's parents sat down to dinner, Marsura and light were missing.
"What's with them...." Remi asked.
"They haven't shown up to the dinner table in weeks...."
"That's kind of suspiciouse." Considering that Light is the main Kira suspect, and that these are supposedly two geniuses, they should have realized this right away, not weeks later, and been investigating it all that time. Instead, the subject is immediately dropped, and shortly after that Kira kills Remi's parents - not in his signature supernatural heart attack style, but by shooting them!!! WTF!!! Kira kills with his power, not a gun. He wouldn't even carry a gun when L tried to give him one to defend himself in canon, in the middle of a very dangerous car chase. However, I'm sure this is just a plot device to leave the Sue with a little sister and baby brother to cute things up without any annoying parents being around, or maybe an angst device, or both.